Dear Baby,

Here’s a drawing that Madison did of me. Take a close look — there you are in my belly! You are probably shaped like a bean because we have been lovingly referring to you as the bean.

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby,

Now I want to talk to you a bit about a subject that is kind of sad. Nature works in such a way that it is likely that I will die before you do. I know this is very sad to think about, because just the thought of losing either of my parents causes both an emotional reaction (I get very teary-eyed) and a physical reaction (my stomach hurts) in me. I believe the strength of this reaction is why I need to talk to you about it. First, you need to know that my belief structure is such that I am confident that I will be in Heaven and I will be there with many people whom I have loved and lost. Second, I want you to know that if you feel called to action as a result of my passing, let that action be to be your true self. You see, I believe there are many ways to leave a legacy. Some very lucky individuals find a way to leave a legacy through their work. For the most part, though, for parents, I believe our greatest legacy is our children. I don’t mean what you decide to do for a living, or how much money you make. I believe my legacy will be in how you treat others, the way you prioritize and raise your family and the respect you show to those you are able to help.

There is a song about death and dying that your dad and I love because while it is sad, it is very hopeful. I’ve pasted the lyrics here.

Breakfast Table
by Chris Rice

Then save me a seat at the breakfast table
Save me a dance around the Milky Way
And save me a thousand years to whisper in your ears
All I’ve wanted to say
Save me a smile and an angel’s feather
Save me a walk down the streets of gold
And baby, we’ll change our minds just like old times
And maybe we’ll just fly away
Or maybe we’ll stay

Love,
Mama

“Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.”
-Dorothy Parker

Dear Baby,

I spent time this weekend in Salt Lake City with my best friend Emilie. My favorite things about Emilie are that she is hilarious, unashamed to say what she thinks and be who she is, and she’s very committed to the people she loves. My hope for you is that you will have a dear friend like this — one who you will share a lifetime with. One who knows you before you know yourself, one who understands all your stories because she knows your story. One to reminisce with, and one to call at a moment’s notice about anything at all who can pick up right where you left off without missing a beat.

Love,
Mama

Emmie and me right before I married your dad!

Dear Baby,

Yesterday in church Pastor Randy was talking about how one hope we have for young people is that their decisions will not lead them too far astray. He compared that idea to bowling with bumpers. When you bowl with bumpers, the bowling ball goes down the lane, and as soon as it even gets close to the gutter, the bumpers bump the ball back into the lane toward the pins. I think this is an amazing illustration of my hope for you. Not that you would never make a bad decision (because we all do, and we learn from them!) but that when you do, a slight tap back toward your goal will be enough to get you back on track.

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby,

I always used to tell my students, “In every situation, you have a choice. At the very least, you get to choose your attitude.” I think choices are very interesting because of the lasting impact they can have. I’m talking about the choices we make that not only alter the direction of our lives, but have a profound effect on those we love. The amazing thing is though, ultimately, what we choose to do with our lives is our choice. We can choose to hurt or heal, we can choose to dance or run, we can choose to talk or listen. There’s so much freedom in having the choice. I heard this quote once:

“No trumpets sound when life decisions are made. Destiny comes silently.”
Agnes de Mille

That makes a lot of sense to me, too. I think when we make choices, we expect to immediately see the huge impact of these choices, but the reality is that for the majority of our decisions, our destiny comes quietly, slowly. I’ve also realized that sometimes the decisions we thought were huge, were not, and the decisions we thought were insignificant, were not. What all this means is, we have to make the best decisions we can, and grow from there. We have to consider the effects of our choices on our lives and on the lives of others. My hope is that even when no trumpets sound, you will be a confident decision maker; that you will think of others, and create a legacy for yourself in which you can take great pride.

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby,

I can’t tell you enough how important I think it is to find something outside of yourself to pour a fraction of your time and heart into. I believe you’ll find that the little you give leaves you blessed beyond measure. I know this because your dad and I sponsor a very special group of high school kids at church. We’ve traveled with them, shared our experiences with them, dried their tears, been invited to celebrate their accomplishments and life events, learned alongside them and been protective about them. Our experiences with them have lead us on road trips, lead us to community service and taught us that there is so much to be hopeful about in the future of this society! We will always cherish the moments we have spent with these kids, outside of ourselves. My hope is that you will be inspired by the time you give others; inspired by the time you spend outside of yourself.

Love,
Mama

Youth Group, Austin, Texas – Summer 2006

Dear Baby,

Thought you might like to know a bit about our life before you make your entrance. Right now, we work a lot to build a life for us as a family, but we also enjoy our free time together in a lot of different ways. We love to travel, and our married life has included lots of adventures that we’ve truly enjoyed. Traveling keeps us aware of how big the world is. I think that perspective is important. We also have hobbies that we enjoy. We both read a lot of books! We hope you are a reader, too, because we know how entertaining, inspiring and informational it can be! Other than that, I like to sew quilts and take a lot of pictures. Your dad really likes to work with his computers (there are 6 — not all working — computers in our house right now!). Also, your dad likes to home brew. So, when you are 21 you can try your dad’s special brewski. I am thinking “A Brew for my Baby” would be a great name for that brew!

Love,
Mama

Washington, DC — 4th of July, 2006

Cancun, Mexico — Summer 2005

Roatan, Honduras — Summer 2005

Our Honeymoon in Jamaica — December 2002

Dear Baby,

Of all the people in the world, I think the person who has most prepared me for being a mom is Madison. Madison is a special friend of mine, she is Chris and Jackie’s daughter. I am so lucky because I get to spend a lot of time with her, and her 4-year-old wisdom inspires me! She’s taught me how much fun a mess is. She’s taught me that the dishes can wait and that being outside is usually better than being inside. She’s taught me that we all need limits and that there is no substitute for being comfortable with someone. She’s very dear to me, and she’ll be around a lot, I’m sure. I know you will love her, too.

Love,
Mama

Madison at the Kitchen Counter with Finger Paints!

Dear Baby,

I spent spring break in New York City with my dear friend Elizabeth. She is a great friend because we make the same kind of jokes, she tells me the truth no matter what and she knows how to pick me up when life throws me a curve ball. I met her during that first year of teaching that I already told you about. Our friendship is proof that great things come out of challenging times. We were both first year teachers… we needed each other for survival! You will know her very well, too. We had an awesome time, and you were there with us, so I thought I better share some pictures! Elizabeth got you an “I love NY” onesie that you’ll wear someday, too!

Love,
Mama

Elizabeth and I at the Today Show!

Your “I Heart NY” Onesie